I have experienced a number of traumatic and life changing experiences in my time on this earth that many of us go through and some that others might not have to go through.  Each one of those experiences only gave me a deeper and more empathic view of life and others.  I am actually grateful for every one of the tragedies in my life because without them I would not be the person I am today.

My first thoughts of becoming a counsellor began back when I was 17 years old… I had a Father who was emotionally unavailable, he had suffered his own losses but did not ever work through them and thus our family suffered as a consequence.  He was an angry man who was often prone to violent outbursts and rages and was both emotionally and physically abusive and distant, unable to show love or affection and thought only of his needs but I still loved him of course and in part I felt sympathy for him because to me it seemed just a simple thing to be open to love and he was just incapable of it. He had an amazing devoted wife (My amazing Mum) whom he didn’t appreciate or treat well and two kids who wanted to be loved and to the outside it looked like he had everything he could ever want or need and what many people dream of. He suffered his own mental illness but back in the day, some 30 plus years ago, things just didn’t get talked about as much and although it was unpleasant to go through each day unsure if you were going to be his emotional or physical punching bag, it was brushed under the carpet and life went on.  We just had to accept that that was just the way he was and that was our life. Sadly, life does go on but without a deeper understanding of the emotional and psychological scars they cause those around.

My parents separated after 20 years, due largely to the exhaustion at having to cope with my father’s difficult ways and although he had previously threatened and attempted suicide while I was even younger, the more serious attempts began after the marriage breakdown. After a number of suicide attempts and witnessing them and watching him over and over in ambulances and hospital and finding him before school, my father did finally succeed in taking his own life in an extremely tragic and disturbing way which only intensified the grief journey, lots of flashbacks and “what ifs, but’s and may be’s”.  Clearly at such a young age and whilst struggling to complete my final year of college, this was a testing time and only the previous year I had lost my very loving grandmother at a young age to bowel cancer and watched her suffer for a long time and watched how devastating this impacted my Mum too as they were so close and my Mum took care of her 24 hours a day, being the wonderful caregiver and loving person she is.  This was not even my first experience of loss, when I was around 14 a very close friend of the families son (and my friend) died after he was run over by a car playing with friends, that was a lot for my emotional teenage mind to comprehend and it took a while but I memorialised him and even still had his voice on tape which the parents were grateful to keep. I know that I became a very emotional and sensitive person, I always had been and even used to sit and cry at photos of my Dad’s Mother who I had ever met and who died when my father was 7 years old, but for some reason I felt a very deep bond, and I was her spitting image. Each emotional event tends to intensify the next and you either harden or you soften ad sometimes you do both.

My reaction to my Fathers loss was definitely a complicated one considering all the factors and the grief process was hard, to the point of wanting to take my own life to ease the pain and anger I felt and moments of pure emotional pain and at times I broke down and was irreconcilable, but I eventually went for counselling myself and it turned everything around.  I have since always said that I wanted to help those who have had to suffer like I had so they don’t ever have to feel alone and can talk to someone who has been through similar experiences.  Well, it wasn’t meant to be straight away because I guess I had a lot more to learn… life took over and I made good choices, bought a house at 18 years old, had a great job and career working for a large company, went on to meet what I thought was a loyal man and had two children – so more lessons, what it’s like to earn and value money, keep a mortgage, pay bills, a relationship, becoming a mother and juggling work and parenting commitments and you all know the energy just that can take without adding on traumatic events to the daily mix.

So when clients choose to come and trust me with their stories I always want them to know who they are talking to and yes, I have Professional Qualifications but my life experience far outweighs the need for qualifications when it comes to building rapport and a connection to clients.  My experience continues in that I have also been through a number of other difficult life situations, moving countries, leaving behind family and friends, building a completely new life, coping and working through my husband’s infidelity and the aftermath of the emotional and financial abuse, divorce, raising teenagers losing more friends suddenly taken without warning whilst coping with all of this and then making life changing decision to finally put myself first and start my Counselling career and that’s the day I never looked back on.  The day I found out about my husband’s affair was the day I enrolled to get my counselling Diploma and I focused on that above anything else because I had to provide solely for my children when I was receiving no help. It was the best decision I have ever made and I still learn something new every day both professionally and through continued study but also through my most amazing clients.

I have suffered my own depression and anxiety, attempted another relationship at the hands of a narcissist and have been taken advantage of both financially and emotionally, I understand why people feel like giving up and don’t want to trust again and I have also had further losses through miscarriage and been the victim of bullying and harassment.

So, that is me in a tiny little nutshell, it’s all a little bit simplified of course to fit this on my page.  If I told you everything you’d be reading a novel (which I could actually write! 😉 ) and I have skimmed over a number of other serious topics but the one thing I am is open and willing to share my story with clients so they can trust me.  None of these experiences have the effect on me that they once did, which took a lot of Counselling, self-awareness, introspection and effort. I could not counsel clients if any of these experiences were not resolved for me but what they are is an amazing tool to help me draw upon my experiences so I can place myself in my clients shoes and have the best relationship I can with clients to help them through their troubling times.

Don’t always wish your experiences away, they hurt and can wound us deeply but one day you look back and realise some of them were blessings and others were there to force you to become someone stronger and wiser and possibly be someone who also helps others one day. Love xxxx